The H Reports

Schizophrenic man terrifies kids at party

2009-08-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

Alfred Hitchcock's Rebecca film review

2009-06-27T19:39:00.000-07:00

4/5: Gripping, dramatic, and disturbingly moving.

RELEASE: 1940

Premise: A demure ladies' companion under an unpleasant middle aged American woman meets and falls in love with a widower, Maximilian de Winter, during a stay in Monte Carlo. The two get married and return to de Winter's Manderlay estate in Cornwall. The new Mrs de Winter struggles to cope with aristocratic life, Maxim's personal demons, and the iron grip that the deceased Rebecca de Winter holds on all those a round her.

Overall: Though the film may strike some as purely a romantic drama, I appreciated the film as a psychological thriller, with characters so disturbed and warped to the point where the film can be considered to be psychological horror. The performances were all stupendous, especially that of Judith Anderson as Mrs Danvers. The only complaints I have about the film concern the speed of the dialogue (most of the time the actors talk faster than hyperactive Cali' girls) and the protagonist being a sort of damsel in distress.

My blog lay out

2009-06-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

This is what my blog lay out looks like when I access the "page elements" tag under "Layout." Really.

World War Z review

2009-06-19T16:29:00.000-07:00

4/5: It can't be fiction. All the details, every thing, they're too realistic, too plausible.

AUTHOUR(S):

Maximillian Michael Brooks

RELEASE: 2006-09-12

Premise: Taken from the book:

"It goes by many names: "The Crisis," "The Dark Years," "The Walking Plague, as well as newer and more "hip" titles such as "World War Z." This record of the greatest conflict in human history owes its genesis to a much smaller, much more personal conflict between me and the chairperson of the United Nation's Postwar Commussion Report. ...[I]t came as a shock when I found almost half of [my] work deleted from the report's final edition. ...[I]sn't the human factor what connects us so deeply to the past?

Although this is primarily a book of memories, it includes many of the details, technological, social, economic, and so on, found in the original Commission Report, as they are related to the stories of those voices featured in these pages. This is their book, not mine, and I have tried to maintain as invisible a presence as possible. Those questions included in the text are only there to illustrate those that might have been posed by readers. I have attempted to reserve judgment, or commentary of any kind, and if there is a human factor that should be removed, let it be my own."

Overall: Gore. It's not a huge part of this book in any way. But any one, even the most extreme of gore hounds, can surely enjoy this book. All the interwoven stories have been stitched and sowed exquisitely. All the characters are believable, all scenarios and accounts staged masterfully, and all flows gratefully. Perhaps the most glaring flaw in the book is that of the description of a certain woman who purportedly has the mind of a girl of "fourteen" years. I sincerely hope that was a typo' and that Brooks meant "four," as fourteen-year-old girls act nothing like described in the book. Aside from that, the only thing that keeps this from being a five is that the book isn't as riveting as I, and perhaps most others, would hope for it to be. Very, very, intriguing and a real hook, but it just needs more energy.

Voor een Verloren Soldaat movie download

2009-06-17T15:24:00.001-07:00

5/5: This movie is just absolutely revolutionary. How can the Dutch film industry be so obscure and forgotten?

Length: 90 minutes

Introduction: A Dutch movie whose title translated in English is, "For a Lost Soldier." Inspired by the autobiographical novel authoured by Rudi van Dantzig. The movie, starring Jeroen Krabbé, Maarten Smit, and Andrew Kelley, was made in 1992. For unfamiliars to get the best out of the movie, one should view it alone and with out virtually any knowledge of the story line. Regardless, it should be noted that the book and the movie are very different from one other.

Overview: The film is told in one very long flash back of a choreographer, now living in America. World War II is raging on, and, there being food shortages at home in the city, his family, like thousands of other families with their children, send him to the country, where food is more plentiful. The twelve-year-old boy's mother leaves him with some clothes and a ration card. The card later proves useless in a land not touch but rationed supplies and resources. The film then follows the boy and his dealings with his coming of age, fears for his family, and life-changing relationships.

Size: 892 MB

If you liked this movie, buy the DVD.

1/9
http://www.sendspace.com/file/w6eh7b

2/9
http://www.mediafire.com/file/mm1jdkwylhx/For.a.Lost.Soldier.DVDRip.AC3.GiR_2006_to_AVI_clip1.avi

3/9
http://www.sendspace.com/file/28f5r6

4/9
http://www.sendspace.com/file/yu8e4n

5/9
http://www.sendspace.com/file/wwck1l

6/9
http://www.mediafire.com/file/ditv4nz1lxc/For.a.Lost.Soldier.DVDRip.AC3.GiR_2006_to_AVI_clip5.avi

7/9
http://www.mediafire.com/file/nonyimkmlbd/For.a.Lost.Soldier.DVDRip.AC3.GiR_2006_to_AVI_clip6.avi

8/9
http://www.mediafire.com/file/zzxtxmce0mw/For.a.Lost.Soldier.DVDRip.AC3.GiR_2006_to_AVI_clip7.avi

9/9
http://www.mediafire.com/file/05my22ltjo5/For.a.Lost.Soldier.DVDRip.AC3.GiR_2006_to_AVI_clip8.avi

Why Terminators Transport Naked

2009-06-15T08:24:00.001-07:00

Treblinka review

2009-06-14T06:52:00.000-07:00

5/5: Provocative, in-depth, and horrific.

AUTHOUR(S):

Jean-François Steiner

RELEASE: 1967

Premise: Before Auchwitz, there was Treblinka. From Treblinka, there were only forty survivors. At Treblinka, there was a revolt. After the revolt, Treblinka was all most completely erased from history. And perhaps it would have, had it not been for the revolt of a thousand Jewish people at the camp, who descended to the very depths of despair and somehow rose again to fight back against the barbarism and inhumanity. What happened at Treblinka that gave them this spirit?

Overall: This book does not lead the reader straight to the revolt. No, before the revolt, is the descent, the terrifying descent into the horrors of the Third Reich. The perfection of submission, existential despair, otiose illusions, and the death of the humanity of masses of individuals, murderer and victim, are all part of the average day in Treblinka. Treblinka... What makes this book gruesome is not just the beatings and massacre, but the fact that Treblinka is its own world, its own world, complete with society, weddings, tailors, parties, orchestras, sporting events, dolls, janitors, wars, hope, families, lives, and deaths.

Shock review

2009-06-05T16:04:00.000-07:00

3/5: The flat characters will make you regret reading the second half of the book. Other wise, an OK read.

AUTHOUR(S):

Dr Robin Cook

RELEASE: 2001

Premise: After dumping her fiancé/boyfriend, Joanna Meissner is left to ponder over how to finance her studies at Harvard. Her best friend and roomie Deborah Cochrane shows her a printed ad' of the Wingate infertility clinic offering $45,000 to young, healthy women willing to donate their eggs. Everything goes smoothly, and the women go to Venice to finish their studies, their curiosity of how their eggs are faring mounting. Two years later, they return to the USA and find more than they reckoned for.

Overall: The book is very promising at first; organ theft, cloning, bioethics, unregulated "Research," et cetera. But, as one reaches the half point of the book, the shallowness and general lack of humanity in the characters becomes more and more clear. Curiosity, greed, and lust are the most prominent emotions in this book, and most of the time seem to be the only emotions in the book. While the issues touched upon are very interesting, the characters are so detestably flat and the open ending so much of an anticlimax (and I like open endings!) that I can't help but wish I had never finished the latter half of the book.

The Sacrifice review

2009-05-31T16:40:00.000-07:00

4/5: Being able to connect with the characters makes the hysteria too tangible.

AUTHOUR(S):

Kathleen Benner Duble

RELEASE: 2005

Premise: Everyone knows about the Salem witch trials, but it seems like most are unaware that the witch hunts weren't limited to just Salem, Massachusetts. No, the hysteria wrought havoc upon the Massachusetts counties of Essex, Suffolk, and Middlesex. The Sacrifice takes place specifically in the small community of Andover, the residence of the Faulkner family and their neighbours. As more and more witches are found in Salem, ten-year-old Abigail and her family are caught up by the storm of chaos.

Overall: Don't be fooled by the target demographic. For adults and children alike, this book is very insightful and makes the horrors of the witch trials almost too tangible. The hysteria of the time is no longer ludicrous but horrifying, and the subjects of the witch trials, accused and accusers alike, are no longer just zealous village idiots but real people. Whether you're interested in the trials or not, this book is definitely a read.

You are one hell of a butler, but unfortunately...

2009-05-09T02:50:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is an actual screenshot, from episode three. Even now, when we have it easy, we still like to cut corners.

I'm quite fond of the Kuroshitsuji soundtrack, and seeing as an OST is yet to be released, I tried to relieve myself by rewatching the first episode of Kuroshitsuji, as subbed by Shinsen-Subs.

Maybe I shouldn't have done that.

Watching the first episode of Kuroshitsuji, it was as if I was reliving my falling in love with the series, despite the "flaws" (beauty is in the eye of the beholder) that were presented to me. The gloomy and somber atmosphere, the pragmatic and pessimistic earl, the awe-some butler, the sardonic soundtrack, and the macabre and ruthless mindset of the first episode was what drew me to Kuroshitsuji. The awkward silliness of the obtrusive secondary characters and their obtrusive secondary aura were all overshadowed by what I loved about this episode and the promises it made of a show that consistently charmed. But those promises have not been kept, at least for me.

Fast forward to spisode three (as subbed by Shinsen-Subs). A stereotypical young girl at least thrice as more adoring, annoying, and high-pitched as Misa from Death Note makes an appearance as another secondary character, and this time as the good earl's fianceé. She seems to be also twelve times dumber than Misa (seeing as Misa surprisingly had a bit of common sense and some more), or at least twelve times more inconsiderate/impulsive/all of the above. This character, Elizabeth, begs several questions: how the hell could anyone think that the addition of such a character can be a good idea for any story?; what percentage of all such fictional females are blonde?; are stupid annoying fictional females in general considered attractive by more of the population in Japan than in America?; are all creators of such characters actually towels?

Episode five (subbed by Shinsen-Subs), a male-to-female transvestite Reaper obsessed with Sebastian is revealed as a secondary character. While the Reaper himself is admittedly important in Kuroshitsuji's plot, I can't help but feel that the creator endowed this love for Sebastian upon the Reaper absolutely not because this would make Kuroshitsuji more enjoyable. While the true Jack the Ripper was admittedly an interesting plot twist, what is memorable about this arc isnot the suspect, his motives, and his past, but how terribly irritating the Reaper was.

Fast forward to episode eight (Shinsen-Subs). An oversized devil dog that morphs into a (nude) human form when excited makes a new addition to the cast. His adoring love for Sebastian makes for the subject of instantly operose fujoshi-aimed jokes. The primary purpose of his addition to the cast is not to make the series more fun and wholesome, but to fit in some more annoying fujoshi-aimed jokes. The devil dog, Pluto, is an uninteresting, bothersome, shallow character. Ironically, he plays a role in the "important plot twist" in episode twelve. By this point it seems apparent that the creator is fond of outlandish and annoying characters madly in love with Sebastian.

Fast forward to episode thirteen (Shinsen). A contemptuously juvenile, incompetent, and pathetic Indian prince and his personal butler—

You know what? I'm tired of this. The show has its merits, but the show's transitions (or lack of) from severity to hilarity (and they're so often) characterise the show just as much as the young and grave earl and his unfazed butler from hell. It's gradual, but definite; as the show went on my standards dropped, and dropped, and dropped... until I've reached the point where all of the jaded heartlessness that I so loved has faded right before my eyes, with me strikingly unaware.

Perhaps I should have never rewatched episode one, but for better or for worse I'm dropping Kuroshitsuji as a series I'm tracking. At the very least, the honeymoon was quite pleasant.

H1N1

2009-04-29T21:17:00.000-07:00

Detail of a photo' of masked passengers on a train in Mexico City.

The World Health Organization has now raised H1N1 (I refuse to call it "swine flu" because you can't get it by consuming pork) from Phase 4 (community outbreaks) to Phase 5 (pandemic inevitable).

H1N1's hit ten countries and killed in two countries. WHO's already started work on a vaccine, but it can take up to six months to actually get something viable. And when they do start getting manufactured, there probably won't be enough to go around (if demand will be high), at least for a little while.

H1N1 is a relatively new disease, and also a descendent of the Spanish flu. Like Spanish flu, the victims of H1N1 are relatively young, youthful, and healthy (aside from the fact that they have the flu). The symptoms are similar to that of the common flu; lethargy, loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, fever, runny nose, coughing, bodyaches, headache, chills, and sore throat. Though there are no vaccines for H1N1 at the current time, seasonal flu vaccines can offer some protection, and there are some drugs that can help subdue H1N1.

H1N1 has the potential to mutate into something like Spanish flu. Not that it will, but...

Run-of-the-mill face masks don't offer reasonable protection. If you're looking for something useful, get something grade N99. They have 'em at hospitals, and man, are they thick...

Falling Asleep On the Plane

2009-04-17T08:39:00.000-07:00

I'm losing track of time. My memories of the days have faded and blended together, and the resulting mass is an indecipherable sludge. But this isn't unusual--with every vacation almost all imprints are smudged and then washed away into the ocean of oblivion, mixing with other imprints to make an almost primordial soup.

Onigiri VS Banana

2009-04-14T14:28:00.000-07:00

Detail of front cover of Shounen Ai no Bigaku (少年愛の美学) Volume 17. Illustrator credits to Sasorigatame (NSFW!).

No one was around so I practiced deep-throating with my banana before eating it.

Psyche.

Damn You All to Perkins

2009-04-14T13:17:00.000-07:00

Hmph. Some lunch. But I suppose I should start from the morning.

I woke up around five, so that gives me around three or four hours of sleep (I was working till at least 01:30 "last night"). Being awake for so long, my mother charged me with not going to sleep. I denied this allegation, but I'm not sure if she believed me.

In case you're wondering, I did have a dream, and a strange one, too! The teachers of two classes were holding a competition as to whose students were more academically adept by forcing individual students to solve puzzles. I was in one of those classes, probably thirteen in the dream, and I remember participting in a puzzle. Neither the puzzles, the teachers, or the competition seemed the least bit rational to me, but at least I got the puzzle I played right. Which by the way, was some sort of maze, with the walls made out of velvet line...

Almost every other part of the dream I cannot adequately describe, except for the part where I was being tailed by cannibalistic children. That part of the dream went like a third-person platformer. As for the puzzle part of my dream, it was first-person.

I dressed, having taken a bath just "last night," and we headed to the convention hall. I don't remember what time we arrived, but we had to be there by 06:45. The convention offered complementary breakfast, and surprisingly, at least to me, they had no bagels. Not that I'm complaining. The pumpkin muffin I had -free-loader alert- was quite delicious and filling.

I read, typed, drew, and daydreamt. Oh, the things I typed and thought about... Anyway, I had no idea that so many X ray technologists smoked. Or at least the young ones. With every break there were always fifteen people smoking outside the building! As people came in and out I gagged, the fumes wafting into the building. My mother and I could not comprehend how people who look at diseased organs and bones for a living could have such vile and unhealthy habits. Thank God for California's strict smoking regulations.

We had an hour long lunch break, and we decided to go to Perkins restaurant and Bakery. Oh, what a terrible mistake that was... Perkins isn't a high-end restaurant. No, it's like Denny's except with a bakery. And what is Denny's like in my experience? Run-of-the-mill food, polite but incompetent service, and long, long waiting times. How delightful.

We were seated immediately, and the restaurant being so full of locals (they don't carry bags) I was given a good first impression. Our waiter hastily attended to us and only asked what sort of refreshments we would like. I chose tap water, and mother chose coffee. After that he was well on his way to attending a million other customers or so, but it wasn't until we left the restaurant that I noticed the place was understaffed.

So for fifteen minutes we waited for iced tap water and coffee, along with more creamer. When our waiter came we ordered two Lemon-Pepper Grilled Tilapia Filets and one cup of tomato and beef soup. Another fifteen minutes passed until we were served soup. My mother insisted I try a bit, even though I stated I wanted to save my appetite and get full easily. I succumbed to curiosity and discovered the vegetables seemed fresh, the beef was tender, and the soup was savoury.

Thirty minutes later and still no food. My mother stated she felt like leaving and only paying for the soup, and I said I'd go with whatever she did. We left the table, left for front-of-house, and waited for a cashier. The host told us she'd be with us in a minute, but instead she made idle chatter with an elderly customer. My mother had had it and we left without a word.

It was raining again, so we slipped into the convention center to decrease the risk of slipping and falling. I was cheery that I finally had been able to walk under the rain; my mother frequently remarked on the similarity between Florida and Philippine's weather. As we made our way to our hotel room (my mother's things were inside) she apologised to me, but I refused to accept it.

"It's not your fault we didn't know how terrible the restaurant is. Now that we know, I'll write a review on it too."

My mother had a banana before leaving for the convention, and I stayed in the room. Now I think I'll go have a banana...

Lush Vegetation VS Murder

2009-04-13T21:13:00.000-07:00

-sighs- What a refreshing nap.

Florida's International airport was quite intriguing. After getting off the plane you had to ride a train that went from one building to another. It was in this building that you reclaimed your luggage, and it being 06:00 EST the airport was peaceful and not hectic in anyway at all. Not only that, but inside the building were many trees, flowers, and plants! Oh, how Florida is beautiful inside and out. I wish California were this green...

If you have never been to a tropical country or a place like Florida, I should mention the air is very humid, heavy, and difficult to breathe. At least at first. But I should mention that it is exactly this sort of air that will rejuvenate your skin. Having stayed in Florida for two weeks last year, I adjusted [to the air] in less than a second.

We were taken to the Wyndham Resort by Mears shuttle services. It was a small shuttle, but the hotel had recommended Mears when we had inquired as to whether the hotel picked up guests for free. They dispatched the driver quickly and it was a speedy but pleasant drive. I believe we were the first guests to check in.

Wyndham has a health club, a playground, two pools, one jacuzzi, an ice cream shoppe, a gift shop, a lagoon, free vacation planner services (and yes the man is Jewish -laughs-), a convention center, and its very own buffet-restaurant called "Augustine's." I have to say that that Augustine's serves the sweetest and juiciest marmalade I have ever tried. And that's a good thing. Most of the time I get treated to such sour and bitter marmalade...

After eating breakfast my mother and I retired to our room. We watched a little TV. The only three channels that caught my eye were History, National Geographic, and CNN. There was PBS but all that showed was a blue screen of death.

I took a bath, my mother took a nap, I typed my previous blog entry, my mother woke up, and I took a nap. My mother explored the resort a bit while I slept. Again, I had no perturbing dreams. Again, I was disappointed with myself, but I kept my thoughts from escaping.

There is no free Internet access in this hotel. It's 9 USD a pop. Though at least the hotel staff we met were exceedingly kind!

After waking my mother showed my the inside of the convention center, and then we went to the Fish Bones restaurant across the hotel. It looked a bit like a sellout, but how wrong were we! Staff were friendly, fast, and very knowledgeable of the food. Ah, the food, the food... I had stuffed jumbo shrimp and regular iced tea. My mother had orange juice and grilled chicken breast. We were brought complementary sliced bread with a scoop of butter, and of course the salads that came with our meal.

Between you and me I usually eat my salads drenched with apple juice, but not this time! But the salad they served us was so delicious... According to our kind and considerate waitress the salad was made with sprinkled Parmesan cheese, green olives, and Spanish vinaigrette. The bread was also very soft, and the butter extremely savoury...

Sweet and juicy fried rice, a mysterious dip, a sort of "dough" made out of various herbs, what I'm guessing is cornbread, and crab meat, and a side of vegetables came with my meal. There are no words that can possibly adequately describe the food except for maybe "godly" and "heavenly." Oh, the food! That restaurant alone is sufficient reason to move to Orlando. And everything was surprisingly fillling... My mother suspects the bread is to blame. We brought home our leftovers in two black boxes in a biodegradable doggy bag. Shoot me if that bag wasn't made out of the rice paper that coats some Asian candies.

We did more exploring, nosing around gift shops for souvenirs we could gift to two good friends of my mother and myself. At one giftshop my my mother's gruesome immaturity burst forth like the Hulk. It would be a lie to say I was not ashamed of her. Her juvenile ways piqued at my patience and for a while I was quite irritable; this is one of the many reasons why I hate going out with my family. At the very least I was thankful that I was with only one relative instead of ten or more, like last year.

Yet again we retired to our room. Ugh, what horrible television programs that are showing! CNN was vaguely interesting, there being a Larry King show (without Larry) covering the case of a child murder in Tracy, California. The police suspect the eight-year-old girl's best friend's mother abducted her, molested her, raped her with a foreign object, murdered her, and then stuffed her in one of her own black suitcases. Discrepancies in police interrogations and press interviews was what flagged her.

As I said, there was no Larry King. Instead there were these two odious ladies covering for Larry King; I felt like I was watching Fox News for Christ's sake! They jumped to conclusions knowing absolutely nothing about psychology, acted more like ornery, contemptuous, and contemptible adolescents than professionals, and were absolutely desperate in finding someone or something to blame. Perhaps they are descendants of people who burned witches? The people that they interviewed, however, were very professional and very likable.

And now here I am, typing this blog entry. Now excuse me while I go on to finishing some work. After that, I think I'll draw a bit...

Laxatives

2009-04-13T10:04:00.000-07:00

So it's late morning right now, and I'm inside our room at Wyndham Resort.

"Our," because it's my mother and I at Orlando, Florida. She's really the only one supposed to be here, as Wyndham is hosting a convention for X ray technologists. She suggested I tag along, as Florida weather does wonders for the skin, and I should get away, and blah blah blah.

My dad drove us to Los Angeles, and it was thanks to him we met traffic. We left at around 19:00 PST, and, being the start of Spring Break, the roads were congested. Thankfully the addition of two new lanes made the drive easier to bear.

We bid our farewells at the LAX (which I've surmised is short for "Laxative Airport"), and suffered through the hell that is the American airline industry.

Strangely, the airport itself wasn't that bad—it wasn't crowded, small children were not crying in earshot, and no one released any weaponised strains of anthrax.

Air security totally sucks. I brought loads of pencils and they didn't care. Then again, I could've brought a lighter. Or seventy. Kursh! Kursh! Kursh! I throw lighter at your face! Kursh! Or, I could just set them on top of a laptop that overheats easily. Or make sparks with it.

Either way, ba-da-bing ba-da-that-burns.

We took a United Airlines plane, economy class. The plane was small and generally extremely claustrophobic. The seats, however did not seem worn, and seemed not too filthy. There were young children aboard, but the only people who whined and cried on the aircraft were a bunch of female high school seniors. The lot of students seemed to be baseball players flying to Florida for some big game.

I got the window seat. Hurrah!

Being a night flight, I was not forced to see the dead and bulldozed mountains of California, nor the blanket of crap we call the California sky. No, no, we were treated to a much more beautiful sight—the sight of the various illuminated human establishments beneath us. Oh, it was beautiful! It was like the Milky Way except all the lights were yellow and there was no depth of field whatsoever. We could also see stars, but the sky around us was still saturated with light.

Still, there's nothing else that can hammer the insignificance of humanity and Earth in general into a person trapped by industrialisation than a night flight. Nothing else can do the trick... Except a real view of the stars, but then you wouldn't be trapped by industrialisation so much, now would you?

I sketched some character designs while Marley and Me played overhead. I got a strange look from an attendant while doing so, seeing as I could potentially break down at any moment and stab the passengers and Crew with my F-grade (hardness) pencil. But he soon shrugged it off and went off on his way, occasionally glancing at the Oscar Wilde clone I was drawing.

I drank iced water and finished my chicken tortilla soup from Baja Fresh on the plane ride. For a reason or two, the spiciness of the soup did not bother me much on the plane. I'm not sure if this was because my tongue was adjusting to the spices, my hunger, or a combination of both. All I know was that it tasted good and was filling.

There came a time when I grew tired of drawing and I simply turned to the windows' view for contentment. It was at that point my mother turned off the overhead lights and our aisle ceased to be the only one on in the economy class. The sight of dimensional clouds below us (they looked like rain clouds, big, floofy, and getting heavy) made up for this loss.

I soon retired. Or at least tried. You see, I take comfort in unorthodox seating positions, and for the life of me I can't sleep whilst sitting straight. I laid my pillow close to the window, sandwiched beneath my hands, and somehow I managed to bring my legs up to the seat without pushing my mother and a stranger into the main walkway.

I expeced to have a strange dream while asleep, but I if not. I was, and still am disappointed with myself. I told my mother this and she couldn't help but crack a smile.

I'll finish the rest of this story later. I've only had two to three hours of sleep and am very tired. I'll continue in a few hours...

-uwaaa-
-swoons-

I'm going to Florida.

2009-04-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

M - Th 11p / 10c

Dirty Bird Special

thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Economic Crisis

Political Humor

Just to clarify I'm going to Florida because it's Spring Break, not because I want to have sex with seniors. I'll be sure to bring lots of pictures.

Farm Frenzy: Pizza Party review

2009-04-02T20:43:00.000-07:00

3/5: Fun, but frustration and monotony warrant this as only a rental.

DEVELOPER(S):

Melesta

RELEASE: 2008

NOTE: Alawar Entertainment and Melesta have formed Alawar Melesta, a game development division of Alawar.

Premise: You've got plots of land on the outskirts of the city, and now it's time to convert them into farms! At first you can only harvest and sell fresh products (somehow that's disappointing to you, no, really), but later on you'll be able to produce pizza (you're filled with rapture!), the staple food of NYC.

Gameplay: Every level has a specific objective—earn two-thousand dollars in hand, make 20 French pizzas, et cetera, and along with this is a timer, counting the very seconds you spend playing the level. Accomplishing the level's goals within a set period of time earns you a [colour-coded] ranking, and finishing every level gold scores you a gold trophy. There are a number of trophies in the game, including one that is given to players who take their time playing. And of course, there is a trophy for earning every other trophy before it.

The game all starts with water, which is stored in your well. If you have some water and you click the ground, grass will sprout. Your livestock depends on grass, and if they get too hungry (you'll tell by the chain of blue stars shadowing them) they will starve to death. And die. Forever. While it sounds relatively simple, thinking about it I've never seen another time-management game so rooted in the food chain.

While nourishing your livestock you will also have to collect, create, and sell products if you plan on making any sort of profit whatsoever. To collect a product, all you have to do is click on it and it's instantly stored in your store house. Let the product sit around too long and it disappears. Creating a product is slightly more complicated; you have to have all the needed ingredients before you can start up your machines. After that, you just have to wait for the process to be finished. Upgrades may be purchased for machines, allowing for faster processing and the capacity to make more than one sack of bread at a time. You have limited storage space, so it's not wise to become a pack rat.

Occasionally at predefined times, a panda (or multiple panda) will fall out of the sky and wreak havoc on your farm. As friendly as your livestock think the bear is, not even showing the most remote signs of fear of the rampaging beast, the panda is bad news. Should a panda come in contact with any of your livestock, the poor chicken (or whatever has come in contact with the thing) will be blown into the air Team Rocket style. Containing the panda involves creating a (fully constructed) cage around it, which involves constant clicking of the panda. The panda can be collected and sold just like any other product, but also takes up a lot of space in your store house and on your truck.

To sell products, you click on your truck and load your selected products. Once you've loaded your truck, you can send it off to the city. After that, it's only a matter of time until it gets back. Your truck also has limited room, and on top of all that it's as slow as hell until you buy an upgrade for it, so even the decisions of choosing what to load and when to sell have to be made strategically.

Though is no "Endless" mode in this game, any level could be played indefinitely as long as you threw the level's goals to the winds. However, even playing like this would not be equal to playing "endlessly," as specific levels have specific machines available to them. For example, it is not possible to purchase a pizza-making machine in the beginning levels.

Graphics: While not as sharp as I wish all games were, the graphics aren't something to belittle at all. Almost everything has been produced in 3D computer graphics (though everything in the game has been prerendered), and the animations are seamless.

Sound: Through each and every level plays some lovely jazzy lounge music, though unfortunately that really is the only track the game plays while you're actually playing. Thankfully the track does not get repetitive too easily. While each and every sound in the game is high quality, I can't say that the SFX maintain their novelty as long as the music can. Probably the most annoying sound in the game is the panda's roar, which loops over and over and over again until you catch it. It doesn't grate against my ears, but surely after ninety levels anyone would agree it did get old.

Overall: Farm Frenzy: Pizza Party's game mechanics are unique and a lot of fun, and thanks to the game's "endless" timer anyone can play by any pace. However, thanks to features such as a lack of an "Endless" play mode and animals that absolutely cannot fear rampaging panda (I can't tell you how many times I've had to restart a level because the untimely loss of a chicken cost me a trophy; God knows how anyone with a worse case of OCD would fare in this game!) to me personally seriously detract from the game. Thankfully playing is still fun enough to somewhat null the monotony of the game's soundtrack.

The Great Pasta Prank

2009-04-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

Gotta love the BBC.

Predator X

2009-03-29T19:47:00.000-07:00

Image credits to the Natural History Museum of the University of Oslo, Norway. You can view more images here.

Taken from the Press Release:

"It has been announced in Oslo today that an international team of paleontologists have unearthed the partial skull of a 50 ft marine reptile on the remote Arctic archipelago of Svalbard . Dubbed 'Predator X', the marine reptile is a new species of pliosaur, an apex predator that patrolled the Jurassic oceans 147 million years ago. The skull, 'the jewel in the crown for paleontologists', was excavated from the Arctic permafrost during a 2-week field expedition in June 2008, led by Dr. Jørn Hurum from the Natural History Museum, University of Oslo. He was joined by eleven other expedition members, including Dr. Patrick Druckenmiller, a world authority on marine reptiles from the University of Alaska Museum of the North.

New scientific research reveals that Predator X was approximately 50ft long, weighed in at 45 tons and packed an amazing 33,000lb bite. Its anatomy, physiology and hunting strategy all point to it being the ultimate predator - the most dangerous creature to patrol the Earth's oceans."

A documentary on Predator X produced by Atlantic Productions is scheduled to air in the US on the History channel in less than an hour. Distributed by BBC Worldwide, the documentary will also be screened in Britain, Norway, and across Europe.

Pliosaurs are not to be confused with plesiosaurs, a different subgroup of ancient carnivorous aquatic mammals characterised by their long necks. Pliosaurs instead have short necks and elongated heads. Note that plesiosaurs and pliosaurs both stem from the order Plesiosauria, an order of Mesozoic marine reptiles. They appeared in the Triassic ages and thrived in the Jurassic. The order survived until the Cretaceous-Tertiary extinction event—that is, they went out along with the dinosaurs.

Will

2009-03-28T22:28:00.000-07:00

I looked back at depressing post I made a while ago (not not this one). That time, I took my med's late yet again, and somehow, my drifting mind washed up onto the shore of myself when I am really a ticking time-bomb. Perhaps I'll talk about how me being potentially dangerous runs in my dad's side of the family.

Anyway, I was inspired to write something... And this came out. It's a bit of a reflection of myself... Or who I was, or who I sometimes is and hopefully will never be again.

To all of you:

I used to live as the rest of you; mindlessly, so mindlessly, so blissfully and absent-mindedly. I looked to the future with goals set in my mind, and set by, ultimately, society. I was manipulated and manned as the rest of you, with the values and dreams of others instilled into my very soul, my soul becoming the soul of others.

Sometime during my childhood, I met someone by the name of Kia. He was absolutely beautiful, with emeralds for eyes and black raven’s hair as soft as goose’s down. Of his “accomplishments” I’m not aware of, as I wasn’t interested in him. I do recall, however, his intense desire to becoming a police officer, though his dream was not to protect people, but to achieve the peace that everyone of every sort could enjoy. Of course Kia was the paradigm of being a noble person.

It was upon this friendship that I truly started living—no longer had I endeavoured to be successful. No, instead of wishing to complete things to content myself by society’s de facto standards, I wished to live to content myself by my standards.

Kia had made me so happy… He loved me unconditionally, regardless of whether I “succeeded” or not. We always stayed in the park with each other, we always talked amongst ourselves, we always lengthened the poignant silences between us both. It was a simple way of life, perhaps to the point where some of you would call it base and beastly. Perhaps it was, but it made both of us happy, and it harmed no one.

Kia later died. He died by your hands. You murdered him coldly, and then forced me to endure the agony of living without my own reason to live. I resolved to fight against this, but I faltered.

Rasui, an innocent and affable creature, later then came to my life. He was my constant companion, even when we were physically apart. He gave me a reason to live, and by fulfilling his life, I fulfilled my own life. I lived, proudly, happily, and wholly.

I hate all of you. You gave life to me, infinitely finite and infinitely insignificant life, forced me to live for your own sake, took away my only reason to live, forced me to suffer for your sake, and then threatened to yet again take away my reason to live, all the while pushing me to live and suffer for your sake. Ah, if only death would come to all of you responsible, swiftly, so that others will not suffer as I have.

Ultimately, you too shall die. Death is inevitable, and there is no escape. And hopefully, some of you will escape the grip the othersand society itself has on you, and live your own life by your own accord, to the fullest.

Build-a-Lot 3: Passport to Europe review

2009-03-21T18:26:00.000-07:00

5/5: The only flaw in this game it that some of the people are slightly asymmetrical.

DEVELOPER(S):

HipSoft

RELEASE: 2008

Premise: You make your way to billions of dollars through Europe's housing market, building, buying, selling, and restoring various properties. Along the way you'll have to do things like increase the appeal of a neighbourhood, build a few public services (fire stations) here and there, and even construct a few landmarks before you hit your deadline.

Gameplay: Though just reading the premise above gives the impression, this game truly is for everyone. That includes your young ones. The first levels are almost insanely easy (but not in an irritating way), and the learning curve isn't too steep or too "flat" at all.

Each level has a goal or two: get this amount of money in cash, construct this, demolish this, pretty this up, et cetera. You start off with a number of workers, a blueprint or two, materials, a few lots and/or properties, and of course, money.

Regardless of your goal, you will always have to construct a house or two. There are different kinds of houses, ranging from cottages to whole dormitories, and with each property you gain income from the rent. This income can be raised by increasing the neighbourhood's appeal, painting the house, and upgrading the house. Neighbourhood appeal is dependent on the number of houses painted (one painted house equals five appeal points), the state of the houses (houses that are run-down or on fire lower the appeal), and other various properties in the neighbourhood (while worker workshops give you discounts on hiring workers, they lower the appeal of the neighbourhood).

Both painting and upgrading your house costs time, workers, and materials. Painting is cheaper and faster, but it doesn't increase rent much. Upgrading is more expensive and slower, but it raises rent drastically. If either renovation is planned in an untimely manner you may not finish by the end of the month and therefore not get any rent.

Aside from keeping your properties, you can also sell them. Offers depend on the housing market; if you're selling an empty lot and everyone else is selling an empty lot, don't expect to get exactly what you want. But, if you own a monopoly on everything in the neighbourhood, you'll be sure to get exactly what you want. This works both ways, too—low-balling isn't a good idea if the property you're bidding for is the only one on sale. At the end of the level the values of all your property and your cash for that level are added to your lifetime income.

The game is long, but not tedious or tiring. While the goals can be grouped according to "build something," "earn this," "selling and buying properties," and et cetera, what you'll have to do to reach those goals will always keep you on your toes. There are many countries and levels to play, and even if you could get through the whole game without having to restart a level once, this game would still take quite a while to finish. Especially if you're the obsessive type that likes getting S-grade accomplishments, since you'll have to complete the level before a certain amount of time (indicated by a notch on the deadline bar) if you want to get that coveted blue ribbon.

Graphics: A while ago I stopped believing that all "casual" games were crud-PC-friendly, thanks to Youda Farmer. Now Build-a-Lot 3 has convinced me that "casual" games are steadily, but certainly becoming more graphically impressive and are shirking the relatively modest visuals I'm used to.

Neighbourhood are varied even inside countries. There are suburbs, quiet lakeside towns, gloomy peatlands, and snowy mountain resort villages. There are no jaggies, the icons representing commuting workers don't seem out of place, the weather effects are pleasant, and whether or not you're a fan of photorealism you have to admit the portraits in the game are pretty damn good.

Sound: Though the game has a limited number of tracks, that doesn't stop them from being enjoyable to hear. Looks like somewhat was messing with Pro Tools and gave birth to some real music, huh? Though some of us can easily pick out games that have better music, something of this mark is really extraordinary in the whole "casual gaming" enterprise. Calm Spanish music caresses your eardrums in Spain, and so on. The SFX are also quite high-quality, too. Nothing to hate about the music except perhaps a few more tracks, and maybe longer ones, too. Honestly, just hearing the music makes me think like this is going to be an expensive game, but it's not.

Overall: I've never really played anything like this before. It's fun, it keeps you on your toes at all times, it's family-friendly, it has great graphics, great visuals, it isn't a short game... Whether you consider yourself a "casual" gamer or not, or even a gamer at all, you just absolutely must play this game. Time management has never been so fun...

Aim for a Healthy Weight

2009-03-18T23:41:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling altruistic right now. As such, I'm going to leave this PDF file created by America's National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute. Not that I'm saying you specifically need it, but if you want even the most remote chance of getting your shape on par with my gorgeous physique, you should read it.

http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/public/heart/obesity/aim_hwt.pdf

Garden of Beasts review

2009-03-18T20:23:00.000-07:00

4/5: I don't like thrillers. But I loved this book. Not cheesy at all!

AUTHOUR(S):

Jeffery Deaver

RELEASE: 2004

Premise: Taken from the official site:

"Paul Schumann, a German-American living in New York City in 1936, is a mobster hit man known equally for his brilliant tactics and for taking only "righteous" jobs. But when a hit goes wrong and Schumann is nabbed, he's offered a stark choice: kill Reinhard Ernst, the man behind Hitler's rearmament scheme, and walk free forever—or be sent to Sing-Sing and the electric chair."

Overall: The book is engaging, suspenseful, and stimulating trip through 1936 Berlin, and has enjoyable twists and turns. All of the various characters are tangible and interesting to look into, and the book poses an interesting question what's behind the unwavering fidelity of the ardent servant. As the story nears its end one can't help but feel that behind the façade of a growing and influential military state, is the real Germany, oh so infrangible, and fated for catastrophe.

Games I'm quitting:

2009-03-18T12:19:00.000-07:00

Rescreatu: Woo. It's been a good two weeks since I started playing Rescreatu, huh? Anyway... I've gotten tired of it. It's a bit of a surprise to me, even though it really shouldn't, looking back at my history of infidelity (to video games). Anyway, starting the game, at first I wanted to be the best merchant in the game. Wind_Walker Market destroyed that... So then I decided I wanted a complete library of books. Hopes dashed again, since quite a few of those books are retired, and thus, rare and limited. It's a pain! I can't find a blue cracker fortune anywhere.

So... I quit, since I don't have any goals I can work toward anymore. I'm donating all of my money to Aquaria's bank, and I'm also trashing everything I have (check the Trash Isthmus). Also setting all of my creatus free into the Aquaria forest. If you find Jaeki, Melwin, Hacked, Garlante, Urdina, Burgess, Joeri, and/or Zeddie, know that they were mine before all this.

It's a shame. I really liked the creatu designs. But, no goal, no purpose, no fun.

Monster Breeding: Catching monsters, fusing them, training them, and collecting every one there is intrigues me. (Yes, I am a Pokémon fan.) And I know this game is in beta and all, but constant grinding... It gets on your nerves some time. But it was fun while it lasted.

Shin Megami Tensei: IMAGINE Online: Wait, whachu talkin' 'bout guy? I ain't quittin' this game! I want to be linked with fate with all my demons, collect all the big variations of demons, and of course, be the best gunner there is. High-schooler with goggles and an antique pistol? Totally awesome. Kid of my dreams...

Youda Farmer review

2009-03-17T20:46:00.000-07:00

4/5: Short and all most no replay ability, but still a really fun game.

DEVELOPER(S):

RELEASE: 2008

Premise: Howdy there, farmer, and welcome to our humble little village! There's not much here, bu'chu know, I bet with you and your farm around this place'll grow into quite a town. Anyway, see ya around. I'm looking forward to some fresh products. Especially potatoes. Everyone loves potatoes, don't they?

Gameplay: While the game's title suggests that the game is a simulation, it's more of a time management game than anything else. You don't take care of the animals or your fields. Instead, you're just the delivery guy, to the point where the whole game title is totally misleading. Instead of being called "Youda Farmer," the game should be christened with the title "Youda Fresh Produce Delivery Guy." But of course that wouldn't attract many people. And it's a considerably long name for a "casual" game. I'm guessing the game wasn't called "Farmer's Dash" because the word "Dash" has been trademarked.

While the paragraph above suggests that the game is just a knock-off of Flo's success, it is not. You receive orders at the bottom of your screen, click on them, and then you are taken to the part of the farm where you have those products. You drag the products into crates, and the truck will pick them up. After the goods have been picked up, you click on the order once more to check them off. There is a quota as to how many products you need to pick up, along with a number of how many orders there will be in all in this part of the level. Orders stack up quickly and they don't wait unless the truck is coming to pick them up; this can be particularly frustrating for younger children, but they will definitely get the hang of this game. My younger cousins have, anyway.

After everything has been gathered, you drive into town and deliver all that needs to be delivered. Click on the orders and you'll be brought to the establishment that needs your products. Hovering over the owner of the establishment will be a visualisation of the order. That is, if the baker wants three bags of flour, three bags of flour will appear above his head. All the bags of flour have to be clicked, and after that, the order, presenting your payment, has to be checked off. As time goes by the amount of money you receive drops, and of course, if everything takes too long, the order will be canceled. If you don't make the delivery quota, you utterly fail.

When the level ends (gathering and delivering products are two halves of a level), you can choose to buy upgrades for your farm and/or truck. As you upgrade your farm, the village grow—if you get sheep on your farm you'll attract the tailor, if you get pigs eggs and bacon can be served, et cetera. There are also upgrades that speed up your truck or the processes of making certain products.

Every so often on the farm you'll see "Party Products," or, your products with party hats on. Collect them, and once you get to the village, you'll be able to deliver them to the pub. After you deliver enough party products, you'll earn a piece of a puzzle. Complete the entire puzzle, and you'll play a mini' game where the truck drives through the whole village (including your farm), and you'll have to collect as many of your products as you can. Get enough and you'll unlock new paint jobs for your truck. Along with that, the completion of party mini' games is mandatory to complete the game. At least, the last mini' game is.

Graphics: I used to have this assumption that all "casual" games could be played on a slower and/or older computer. Woo, did this game prove me wrong. While it seems to me everything has been prerendered, the game is a really graphically busy game. Fish are jumping out of the pond, wheat is growing, and a few of the shopkeepers are sweeping here in there. I'm not sure, but everything is done in real time. It may be a pain to some with reasonably cruddy computers, but I've got a piece of consolidation to offer: at least you can still click on stuff as the camera moves from area to area. No, really.

Almost everything has been prerendered in 3D (aside from order illustrations and such). It's quaint, good, maybe even great. Except for the fact that everyone has four fingers. Or, [u]specifically[/u], the women in the game have four fingers. Start up the game and take a glance at the main menu. You'll know what I'm talking about. But, aside from the creepiness of these alien humanoids, the graphics are really quite something. Like what happens when you check off an order at your farm? The products do little pleasant things. My personal favourite is the milk order.

Sound: The music personally was very irritating and very repetitive. Luckily I was too busy go to and fro' to notice. As for the SFX, thankfully they're not as annoying. They're realistic, and sometimes it can be a bit funny to hear a few "moo"s here and there.

...Err, yeah, that's it about the sound. What else is there to say?

Overall: The game has its flaws, but it's original, very enjoyable, and a great, great stress-reliever. Unfortunately, the game's short length and lack of replay ability really knocks the game quite a few notches. Though this can bring joy to anyone who has a decent mouse and hand-eye coordination, I really recommend this for the youngsters, because I'm sure they'll be able to milk more out of this than more experienced gamers who finish the game insanely fast. -coughs-

Live

2009-03-14T23:07:00.000-07:00

I'm under the impression that most people think that people who have "no more will to live" are often depressed. Maybe most people do see most irresolute people as often depressed. Maybe most irresolute people are depressed. Regardless, I am not depressed...

It really does seem like the only reason I'm living are because of trivial desires. Finishing a book, finishing a video game, and wanting to eat, for example. I don't feel like I want to accomplish anything or be successful, really. I'm not really afraid of death anymore, but like most other living creatures I am afraid of pain. But... I guess for me I'm not actively afraid of pain. I only really think about things like that when I'm directly faced with things like that.

Am I useless? Even if I am, I wouldn't care, and I doubt I ever will.

Sometimes, at night, lying in my bed, I wonder what's happened to me. But only for a brief moment. And then, I continue to stare at the wall, not thinking. Just staring.

If I died I'd be asleep forever. I remember used to long for that eternal sleep. What do I long for now? Whatever is necessary for my most basic survival.

That which I simultaneously dread and hope for

2009-03-14T15:28:00.000-07:00

Asian MMORPG after Asian MMORPG after Asian MMORPG, I've always looked for that one game which allows just enough customisation for me to be happy! (← whole and sole reason I quit Secret of the Solstice). I've awaited the day i would finally play such a game with both hope and dread... Hope because, well, I love customisation. Dread, because it's likely that after being introduced to such a game I won't see the light of day for the next fifteen years or so.

Then I stumbled onto MegaTen IMAGINE Online. The English wiki isn't complete yet, but what I've seen so far is giving me a raging hard-on.

-quivers in pleasure-

Downloading it right now through File Front. GamerzHell's 400mbit/s USA server is almost always full, so I don't recommend going there.

What kids learn about Native American Culture in school

2009-03-07T22:25:00.000-08:00

So I just started playing Rescreatu.

2009-03-03T22:15:00.000-08:00

Rescreatu is another one of those virtual pet sites. Like Neopets? Surely you've heard of that.

I got bored of Neopets a long time ago. Two of the biggest turn-offs for me were the lack of "masculine" creatures, and the totally screwed up economy.

What's different about Rescreatu is that there are vogars. And, in their own way, they're sort of cute... Rescreatu doesn't have as many pets as say, Neopets has, but it has really a great collection that I'm sure everyone will be able to find their ideal pet in there somewhere. An aspect of Rescreatu that I find unique are the different character classes; merchants get access to wholesale prices on items and can sell these items (I'm one by the way), ranchers can sell creatus, and society members can dig in caves and find things. I have no idea what the heck the troupe class does, and I don't feel like I want to find out right now. You can do that yourself, can't you?

Along with choosing a class is choosing a planet to reside on; that isn't to say that you can't visit other planets (that'd be totally messed up), but there are perks to staying on certain planets. Atquati (where I am) has a Staff Memorabilia Shop, Relcore has a Fishing Hole where you can go to once a day and a Freaky Toy Shop, and so on. The planets are Reiflem (a fiery hell full of crime; wait, LA?), Atquati an underwater world, Relcore based on Earth, and Scria a real of the clouds. No, I have no idea why they couldn't just put all these realms on one damn planet. But it's OK, 'cuz I think Atquati's design looks pretty cool. -beh-

In Rescreatu, you can have multiple pets, one account, and only one active pet. I've seen players—and I mean merchants with countless pets. While I understand some people like having big collections of pets, I would rather focus on buffing up one pet instead of having to focus on buffing up forty. But hey, to each one his or her own...

I should mention that, while creatus come in a variety of colours (and more than just your standard red yellow green blue), you can choose to dye them with a dye-kit obtained from the (really accessible) black market on Reiflem. Ironically that's where everyone has their bank and storage accounts. And yes, all of your belongings are perfectly safe in Reiflem.

Right now, while much of the art is really nice to look at, a lot more of the art is a bit... amateurish. Still, "Rescreatu V2" is soon on the way, and looking back at the news there's a sneakpeek of what the revamped worlds will look like. There's also a bunch of bugs here and there, but that doesn't stop the game from being fun.

I might quit, but I actually really hope I don't. My goal in Rescreatu? Maintain a complete library and have the smartest creatu EVAR.

My Tribe review

2009-03-01T01:10:00.000-08:00

4/5: Fun, fun, fun. I just wish you could forcibly drown people and such.

DEVELOPER(S):

Grubby Games

RELEASE: ?

Premise: From the game intro:

"Legend tells of a small but beautiful city, whose people were happy and safe. Yet they were adventures at heart, and longed to explore the limitless blue of the ocean. And so, a brave crew set out.

Uncharted islands emerged on the horizon, and the small band of explorers felt the joy of seeing what none had seen before, and of doing what they were born to do! But on the twelfth night, a storm swept down upon them...

Dawn found the explorers strewn along a deserted beach, safe from the storm, but far from their city, with no hope of finding their way back. And so, the new tribe mates set themselves to work, determined to survive, and to make a new home on this faraway shore."

Gameplay: The game is a sim', specifically a low-scale population management (I made that term up) game. After being shipwrecked and finding your tools in a crate, your tribe is ready to start their new life on the island of your choice. Each island has three different "mysteries" to solve, with eight in all. Luckily the rewards of each mystery get passed on even as you settle other islands, so you won't miss out on fountain water if you happen to move to an island without a fountain.

Each island will provide rocks to mine, trees to chop down, and fish to fish. Particular mysteries will give you access to particular materials, such as fountain water (as stated above), ironwood, and berries. While what you do with your fish is immediately obvious, I feel that I should tell you that both wood and rocks are used in construction, and if you run out of wood, you have no fire, which means your villagers cannot eat.

Villagers. They need to eat, they can only work once they come of age, they can start making babies when they reach adulthood, they have their lifespans, and they are all born swimmers. (You sadists should know why I mentioned the last one.) Along with their needs, all of your villagers have their own attributes; physical strength, mental strength, and expertise in certain fields.

On average, a villager will die at around age 70, though after solving a certain mystery you should be able to prolong your villagers' lives to infinity.

Structures are another pivotal part of the game. Huts provide a place for your villagers to sleep and call the stork, storehouses allow you to hold more supplies (100 units isn't much at all), and with a laboratory you'll be able to further your population's collected knowledge and conduct research, which you'll need to do if you plan to get on with farming some time in the future. Of course, these structures don't pop up by themselves. You'll need supplies (which your villagers will transport when needed), and of course you'll need a labor source.

The most unique aspect about Virtual Villagers is its potions. There are many different potions to discover, but I have to mention a good number of them are practically useless, either resulting in an explosion (and destroying your catalyst), just plain being bad (does summoning a hurricane sound good to you?), or purely aesthetic (changing hair colour, et cetera). It'll be trial-and-error, and definitely frustrating here and there trying to find a decent potion, but I assure you there are quite a few potions which I personally more than loved.

Graphics: Unlike Virtual Villagers, the art is 2D all the way, including character designs. Hoorah! What a breath of fresh air after seeing those little Lego zombies for so long. The character designs are very simple, yet just right. Smiles, glares, pouts; everything is fun to look at. OK, maybe not fun fun, but they're much more pleasant than Virtual Lego people.

Each islander is easy to distinguish. There are various different hair styles, hair colours, clothes, and with the Craft Works, you can make clothes of a myriad of tints and shares. While you can't exactly dress your islanders in ties, bikinis, or jockstraps on their heads, being able to specify the exact colour you want can be very satisfying; the whole tribe really feels like it's yours to tinker.

Hair is another issue. You can never choose exactly what kind of hairstyle you want. As far as I know, there aren't specific potions for specific hairstyles, and Moondust changes everything about an islander except for age and gender. At least we can choose what colour hair we want our islanders to have with the right potion. So yes, you can make them like the natives of Easter Island with their flaming red hair (they were all Caucasian gingers, did you know that?), or, if you feel like it, you can make everyone on the island a blonde. Too bad you can't make them all female...

The graphics of My Tribe is really top-notch compared to what I expect from a "casual" game. Building illustrations, the butterflies, the animation of guano dropping from the air, the rippling of the water all really add to the cozy feeling of a simplistic island life. No jaggies, nothing ugly, all the colours are bright and vibrant, adding yet more life to the game (aside from the lively islanders who in no way resembled dead Lego people). The whole game is coated with sweet yet mild eye-caramel; absolutely preferable to Virtual Villagers.

Sound: While the pop-up boxes alone would've been enough to help the user, Grubby Games goes one step further: they hire someone to narrate almost everything. And it's actually not a bad thing—her voice is soothing, calm, reassuring, ad has a nice, motherly feel to it. The game is truly one heckuva user-friendly experience; so no, she's not patronising. I did find her message to the players who've just lost their tribe a little perturbing though; at first she talks with sorrow of your voice, honouring your tribe's "noble effort" at surviving. And then right after that she nonchalantly tells you that you can create a new tribe from the main menu.

Rambling about the lady put aside, it's fair to mention that whenever you pick up an islander, they make a sound, usually a "huh?" But when it comes to children, they giggle, and when it comes to babies, they make baby noises. Strangely enough, your islanders' voices don't change even after they've matured into aged sages. They always give that young, somewhat energetic monosyllabic query like they always, as if they haven't aged a day. Not that it's unsettling or anything, it's just something to point out. I have to mention that there isn't a huge library of "huh"s either, not that it gets repetitive picking up several dudes in a row dropping them into the ocean to hear things over and over again. (That wasn't sarcasm.) It's like breathing; you don't think about it until you actually think about it.

Ah, the music, you thought I'd forgotten to mention the music, didn't you? Or did you think that there was absolutely no music in My Tribe? Anyway, to my pleasure, the tracks, while few, are pleasant on the ears and are not repetitive at all. They mesh in with island life perfectly, and would make for some great lounge music in say Hawaii, and really, the music's not annoying at all! Except for one little thing, maybe. When you start out, I guarantee you'll be constantly scoping the island for fallen objects when in actuality it's just a little background sound in the music. It's not annoying, though sometimes it can really dampen your spirits, but ironically enough, hearing the music itself will compel you to shrug the whole thing off. Not to worry: once you've got an observatory built, you'll be notified by a unique sound whenever you've been bestowed with a heavenly gift, and you won't have to think about turning off the music anymore. (Several players may find themselves doing this.)

Overall: Whether you're a "casual" gamer or an obsessed HCer, you're guaranteed to have fun with My Tribe. However, a few flaws here and there (mainly having to do with leaving your tribe alone for the night with a 50/50 chance of coming back to find half of them dead from starvation) have unfortunately held me back from giving the game a five. Still, the game really is worth buying, and it makes a great gift, too. In my mind, Grubby Games has really set the standard for "population management" (I made that term up) games. Here's to seeing what comes next because of the water mark this little Canadian (yes, Grubby Games is based in Canada) gem of a PC game.

Hospital Hustle review

2009-02-28T11:32:00.000-08:00

4/5: Sarah's very likable, and the game's fun. It can, however, get a bit monotonous at times.

DEVELOPER(S):

RELEASE: ?

Note: The game developers seem to be rechristening the game with the title of "Sarah's Emergency Room" for some reason. Or maybe it's a regional variation?

Premise: Having just graduated from the University of California, nurse Sarah is busy job hunting. Unfortunately, she's been rejected every hospital she's applied for either due to lack of room or her lack of job experience. However, while rummaging through her cut-outs of newspaper job ad's, she spots a call from Maryville Medical Center. A break! It turns out one of their nurses is retiring. From then on, Sarah embarks on a quest to improve hospitals throughout the nation.

Gameplay: The game, being a time management game set in a hospital (in which I'm guessing is the ER), has you dashing from patient to patient, station to station, pharmacy to hospital bed. First, a patient enters the hospital and waits in the waiting area. You then drag the patient to the diagnostics station, where, afterwards, you drag the patient to where ever they need to go to, whether it's a hospital bed or a surgical platform. You also have to give them their prescription, or else treatment won't get started. (Note that some patients have to undergo multiple treatments.) After everything's done, you get money, and, being a nurse, you'll have to clean up whatever mess they've left behind if they've left any.

By the way, Nurse Sarah doesn't physically drag her patients around. It'll be your cursor picking up patients and dropping them off.

As the patients wait, their health (represented by hearts above their head) drops, and should it drop too low, they might even walk out of the hospital. You would think they wouldn't be healthy enough too, but they do. If you can't tend to the patient (say you don't have the equipment or you're simply overloaded), you can just drop them off in the ambulance. While they won't be treated (by the way you have a patient treatment quota for each day), you'll still get some funds out of it. And for some reason you also can drop patients out of the door. Kick them out. Yeah. Seriously.

At the beginning of each day, you can buy equipment, little things here and there to somehow lengthen your patients' patience (and thus their health—it turns out TV is a cancer retardant), and of course, increase funding for your pharmacy and your doctors' salaries. It's actually pretty hilarious how the game subtly suggests that medical specialists will become top of their field so long as they're given a little more egg. The light hearted and tongue-in-cheek atmosphere of the game really hits you suddenly, but it's not like it socks you in the face. It's actually very pleasant, like a spray of cold mist on a hot summer day.

Graphics: The game is predominantly rendered in 3D. It's not exactly eye candy, or worth mentioning, really. I personally think the game's appeal could've gone that much farther if everything was rendered in a whimsical 2D style, or even if every thing was cel shaded, but hey, I can't have everything. The 2D character designs, however, while few and far in between (all the senior nurses are represented with the same sprites), were all very appealing to me. While it's not exactly ADV CG quality, there's something endearing about the way Sarah is drawn. She's very easy to love. Even though throughout the game she doesn't show case her personality much.

Sound: The music is a bit of a techno, lounge, maybe "New Age" sort of thing. It's not annoying, not soothing (as maybe the developers hoped?), and not repetitive; it's pretty run-of-the-mill all around, but not bad in any way. I might mention that as your shift reaches its end, the tempo is considerably ramped up.

Every "type" of patient has his or her own unique lines, and at first, it's pretty funny. However, since all patients really have maybe five lines to themselves ("Watch it!" "Are you a mad person?"), things get repetitive or at least boring instantly. Even as you meet new patients (for example once you start in Albuquerque you start seeing juvenile patients), the whole thing has lost all of its novelty. I'm not asking for hundreds of lines per character type, but seriously, maybe instead of five get ten lines per person? -sighs-

Overall: The game, while I have issues with it here and there, and perhaps a bit of wasted potential, is really fun, and something you can really pour all your stress into. Though you may be unsure as to whether you should buy this game, I'd say if you do, it's probably on account of Sarah's design and the bubbly feel of the game. Really, it's the game's atmosphere that bumps it up to a four in my book.

Remember when we cared about Behind the Curtain?

2009-02-28T01:43:00.000-08:00

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Indecision 2004 - Behind the Curtain

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

Purrfect Pet Shop review

2009-02-27T22:22:00.000-08:00

3/5: Fun and can be challenging, but the game's cheap flaws renders this as some thing mediocre.

DEVELOPER(S):

TechFront

RELEASE: 2008-01

Premise: Peter and Sofia's elderly friend Nana is out on medical leave, and it's up to you to care for her adoption shelter. However, just before she leaves, she presents you with the pet of your dreams, and should things work out, you might even be able to adopt that lovable fur ball.

Gameplay: The game, while predominantly a "time management" game (think Diner Dash), also features a mini' game where you fulfill all of your dream pet's needs within the allotted amount of time. But before all this, you get to create your own dream pet. You start with choosing a cat or a dog, its sex, name, size, fur colour, eye colour, and coat pattern. In exactly that order. Seriously. It's a bit annoying. At least only if you didn't click the "skip" button in the whole walk through of the process (which I didn't learn until I made a new user to check out the game's hard mode). But the game does let you change the details in whatever order you want directly after. Note that after you confirm this you can't change the details.

Stray pets are constantly coming in, along with their prospective owners. Each patron has a stack of dollars above his or her head, which tell you how much money they're willing to pay for their new (not necessarily furry, as you'll find out in later levels) best friend. Waiting too long or being offered an animal they're not interested in lowers the cash you'll ultimately receive. And, no matter how high the stack of moolah is, if you give them a sickly pet, they'll give you at the most $11 give or take when you couldn't gotten at least $50 or so if you're a decent player. Each patron also gives you a hint about their dream pet, whether it be size, species, colour, or fur length.

There are four difficultly levels to choose from, which can't be changed unless you make a new game: Kiddies, Easy, Normal, and Hard. I have to say, a Kiddies game is vastly different from a Hard game. I wouldn't be surprised if a retarded chimpanzee got through the whole game on Kiddies. A Hard game would definitely make children and even some adults cry. Either difficulty, Peter and Sofia are slow as hell. At least compared to Flo from Diner Dash.

Even if you play Kiddies, you are guaranteed to make mistakes in the game. A patron's requested size can be pretty vague (wtf is that cat really as big as a lab'?), and so can colours, especially when it comes to orange and brown in the later levels. Tip, that chestnut "husky" is actually brown. And so on... There's also the matter of clicking; more than once you'll definitely find yourself accidentally offering that chihuahua to the old lady who wants a cat when you really meant to give the chihuahua a bath. It'll take some trial-and-error and time (maybe an hour of total gameplay or so?) to get used to deselecting the little girl before you give that kitty a good scrub down. It's a bit annoying, really.

Last, and probably least, is the feature which allows one to take "photo' shoots" with your dream-pet. You simply scroll through a pet's various expressions, and then... Well, you can save the picture, and even send it to your friends. While it may be fun showcasing your freak-of-nature that is your cat, I guarantee most players will actually be playing the game.

Graphics: They're passable, decent, but not so great. The occasional jaggy is acceptable and understandable, but they're so prevalent the game can become a bit of an eyesore (for me, at least, and just to let you guys know I have OCD). The character design isn't worth mentioning about, and the colouring is something I'd expect from a budding hobbyist or some game made around the mid '90s or early 2000s. And in my opinion, the dream cat "template" is as ugly as hell. And I love cats. (Well, I love all animals.) Then again, it could be just because I have OCD. Could it be the fact it has eyebrows? Or maybe it's the snout? Or is it the head, which makes the cat look like it has some sort of feline hydrocephalus? Cats can get acne, so why not hydrocephalus?

While I can complain about the quality of the graphics, I sure as heck can't complain about the quantity and variety of everything. The farther you get into the game, the more patrons and pets you'll see, including something that looks to me like a Jerboa, though I'm not an expert on rodents. Things can get very interesting very fast. At least if you don't mess up with offering the biker dude a hamster by accident, whoops.

Sound: The music fits the game exactly, though it really is mediocre and extremely repetitive. Lucky for us gamers, we'll be too busy scrambling to get that anorexic "cougar" (she's not beautiful at all, actually) that snake to pay any attention to the music at all. But it's that damn mini' game where it really gets to you! or at least me. Jesus, people, I know you need to be all upbeat, cheery, and juvenile but come on. Do you have to be annoying, too? Not that I think the core audience (youngsters) will take notice of any of this. Thankfully the SFX aren't as nearly as annoying. Not that they're pleasant, but they're not unpleasant, either.

Overall: Even with all its flaws, this game is really worth giving a try. Especially since there aren't many games like this; I like things that make me use deduction and reasoning skills as fast as I can. But alas, because of the game's myriad of flaws, I can hardly say this warrants a buy at all, unless it's for your little ones. The game doesn't have much replay ability either, unless you want to take a shot at the hell that is the Hard difficulty.

Frivolous Lists

2005-05-29T14:19:00.000-07:00

Freeware

Online Games I Play

Space Project Comets I've Named

Adrasteia
Anatu
Chloe
Constance
Eris
Fauna
Frigg
Gabija
Galene
Gauri
Hekabe
Hestia
Het-Heru
Hjorrdis
Karme
Keto
Maya
Minerva
Morana
Pele
Pomona

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2005-02-28T16:29:00.000-08:00

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